Talked with parents on skype. thats enough to strangle and mist me in 30 minutes, for the next 30 hours.
I mean I love radicalness, but I guess America has kinda put me on a slow pace.
Not bashing out America, since as of this morning I found out that I might be staying here for another good big year.
Nevertheless, I will not cry, be angered, disappointed. And thats maybe because I'm too numbed out of a bad mood because parents are coming to Florida to be with us for a week and to drop Shulamite off, and then they leave once again to Ukraine (hello newly weds shall I say). and hello motherhood for me once again. This has been something I was dreading. But surprisingly I'm not that much sad. Sure I was hoping for new horizons, places, problems, people, outreaches, and the good old big social loud metropolitan city, where people are alot more reachable and open when you're evangelizing.
I was on my way there, almost packing and making lists of last minute essentials to buy, reading books and being constantly in the Word and prayer. And many other things you do when your life is about to turn a new chapter, and you're writing of that last sentence of the old one.
But here all of a sudden I am now aware that I will be, in America, with Shula.
I'm actually shocked how interested, calm and unsaddened I am.
It will be so much more reasonable for parents though, starting a ministry and church like that, and evangelizing, children less. That makes sense, with children, its just painful. Mom would be tied up with Shula, when its time to help papa start the team of people, train, speak, teach, go out etc.
Yes, so we decided that me mothering Shula would be alot easier done in the US with david and esther and daycares and preschools and the beach and the malls, rather than in Ukraine, where its cold and tense and just a city not really thought out for little children and their nannys I think. I don't even know.
surprisingly I'm happy that she'll be here, yes, it will be twice as hard, she'll be whining for parents, I'll be plunged once again into the mommy world, discipline and self-control will once again be my closest friends, waking up too early each morning. and theres tons more, things that enter into your life when you're parentless, with a toddler, who is also parentless. But those things make you the person you become. I know I'd be very different if she was never born.
The thought that she will push me into really treasuring my time and changing, like she always does. I mean, those few hours a day when she's napping, or in daycare, become literally gold. thats when I'm most productive. Not when I have the whole day to myself and I'm swimming swiftly around.
I need that shake me up into reality and hardships type of time in my life right now. No more of those dazed and confused sitting the whole day staring at the wall getting lost in thoughts never getting found types of days. I like hardships, I like when life, or God, forces you to be bended into something you'd never become in just an easy cute life. I love it when life treats me cruel. I don't know, just brings me that feeling of satisfaction. everything going too politicly correct just scares me.
This is perfect. God is perfect. His plans amaze me, Can't wait to find out what will happen next! Maybe I'll die and go to heaven!!!!
