Wednesday, September 30, 2009

ache

today I had 2 strange things happen
not only two strange things, actually today was strange the whole day
but two things that I cant figure out is, the aches.
the first one was a heartache. like my heart very suddenly stung with such an ache, I couldn't breath with my nose, hardly could breath with my mouth just very slowly. I collapsed on the floor against the wall and tried to calm down. the worst thing was that I was in the midst of taking Shula out of the bath when it happened so I put her back down into the bathtub and sat down, hoping that she wouldnt freak out.
the first thing that came to my mind was pray. and so I did and in 2 minutes I was alot better so I stood up and finished everything up.
I have no idea whatsoever what that could have been. it wasnt like an emotional heartache tears and fears etc. it was like a headache only on my heart and if I had ice I would totally wrap it around, because it hurt so much.
esther said its stress or something like that..
and than the second one, I was dressing shula to go outside and very suddenly my eye gripped with such intense hurt I had to shut it, but that made it worser so I opened it. and ofcourse prayed.
all because of God, in less than a minute the pain let go, as everything always does when God intrudes.
so my point is, what are all these pains about?
oh and than for the rest of the evening I had a headache. so esther suggested to go on a long walk (and as always its in the middle of the night) and so we just came back. the weather was finally chilly and cold and amazing. so much like belarus, poland and europe:) that makes me feel so warm inside!!!
GHSISUDAHHHHHJJMMMMMJDGMHGHFGJHAPPINESSSSSSAHHHHHHHMMMMMM!!!
Shula fell asleep (dont like the fact that she goes to bed at 11pm, this could become a problem), I'm going to try tackling some of my schoolwork right now. I highly doubt that it will work though. I need some sleep..
well if you happen to know what these aches represent, please tell me so.
and as for now,  spokoniy nochi:)
(aka good night)

Sunday, September 27, 2009

David's 20th

Such a simple, nice, great day. so grateful for this family. for all of them. no matter what. I love them so much and all the time we spend together going through so much, words will never describe.
I could just spend the rest of my life with them and be happy forever. But thats not the way it goes ofcourse.
David is 20 today, can't believe it. I still think he's 17...
I remember someone mentioning that girls mature 3 years ahead of guys? this might just be true.
hate sounding like such a little sister...
wish we could have spent more time downtown tonight.....

passion and perseverance

Passion makes people beautiful. I can't stand how much I love it when I see people passionately doing whatever task that they have to do in life. especially music.
God created us to be passionate at all the good, great worthy things we ever have to do. every task.
weather it'd be washing floors, making coffee, planting a tree, picking someone of at the airport, swimming, writing, drumming, rollerblading,  greeting, eating a donut...
At everything.
I just hate to see when people carry it too far. but everything we do and don't do should have balance.
just like perseverance. perseverance is great and good and something we shouldn't over look, but guys, and gals too, please don't carry out your perseverance on each other in hopes of becoming someones significant other. thats where perseverance become aggravating, irrelevant, and just too much. Just like passion. This is not a subject where you have to 'knock and the door will be open, ask and it will be given unto you'
no. you tried 3 times in coming up and chatting, it doesn't roll (especially when 'you-know-who' hints that you're not their type), you drop it and move on.
seriously some people need to get some class, kiss the past and invest in a dictionary.

Friday, September 11, 2009

chosen

It's amazing to me that God choose me. I don't think I would have chosen me.
glad how He works with not only the indescribably awesome but with what the world would reject and throw away as trash.




Thursday, September 10, 2009

perfect much


I wonder if these chocolates taste as perfect as they look. and there are people who I wonder if they are as perfect as they look.
 If they taste as perfect as these chocolates. Of course no matter what I hear, I still want to get to know them, same with these chocolates, no matter what anyone said about how they taste, I would still want to try them. Especially the 'dark chocolate with rum and raisin' mmmmm

less and less asleep

Wish I didn't care much about acting and looking like a fool. theres much for me to undergo to get to that point.
Aggravated at how after listening to some songs, the lyrics get stuck in my head and I address all life points with those lyrics..
not worth it, who knows what the musician was getting across as he was writing his songs. 

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

every great day

I'm taken back a bit at how very clever God is. When you entrust yourself fully to Him and say that 'its all in Your hands' its amazing at how perfectly he makes all things come together. And I am so glad that I didnt intrude into God's plan of how I want my future to be, because if I did, it would be a worthless, boring, empty, stupid, hard, foolish, little, pathetic life.
Its Monday, a day that most people hate. But I love it, every single day has become so exciting. It doesnt even matter now if its Thursday, Sunday or Monday or Tuesday, every single day has become special, interesting and exciting. Even though nothing much has changed.
But change starts from the inside. And nothing will ever be the same once the change on the inside occurs.

Friday, September 4, 2009

up ahead

October 14. The day when the people in Kiev want us to be there already.
Why have I always thought that our move there is so far of?
right now its so realistically close, it makes me nervous, or excited. exuberant, confused, loose of appetite, loose of concentration. lack of any desire to pack, which is strange, packing was always fun.
I guess I just fell in love with Jacksonville Fl too much. Now that we have a house here, and the amazing church New Life, its harder than ever to pack and leave in the midst of everything being finally a tiny bit settled.
On the other hand, I AM excited about Kiev! God has prepared so much there, we are going there to do such a vast work, and I can hardly wait to set my foot off the airplane and actually be breathing and walking in Kiev Ukraine, I've aways loved that place.
My heart is beginning to tear apart a bit.
I guess we all have these moments where you want to stay where you are, but at the same time, to move on .
we all have had the feeling of wanting to be at 2 places at once.
but.
all I want to do is what God wants me to do.
and I cant wait to do so.

traveling...life..

Traveling is a brutality. It forces you to trust strangers and to lose sight of all that familiar comfort of home and friends.
 You are constantly off balance. Nothing is yours except the essential things - God, air, sleep, dreams, the sea, the sky - all things tending towards the eternal or what we imagine of it. 



house decor

When you move to a different country, your personal style goes with you, house decor to be exact. Now that we've bought a house here in Jacksonville Fl, sometimes if I shut my feelings out and look around and take everything in, it feels like I'm back at our our house in Belarus Minsk, the decor is different yet so much the same. so much like our Brukh family feel. doesnt matter that we're in America, it still feels like Belarus inside