this Christmas, this Winter

Can't stop thinking about snow... and cups of chocolate, crackling fires, freezing weather, christmas music, parties, everything that has to do with the holidays and what people tend to do to make it more special than any other October day.
Seeing clearly that, no, thats not what the orphaned (not really) threesome of the Brukhs will be doing this Winter (well at least not me, Esther said she plans on going to parties and celebrating with people). Currently no one is agreeing with me to go to maryland to our relatives and cold snow, it all just hangs around like an idea, or a joke, which soon will be to late to become reality even though our relatives our begging us to come.
But really, what is the whole idea behind winter and Christmas? No I'm not going to grill you like so many elderly people tend to do with the whole idea that 'Christmas is more than just gifts and snow and fun' But I will agree with them fully.
This Christmas will be different, certainly alot less 'celebrating & parties etc.' But certainly alot more love and kindness and selflessness will exist in me than ever before. This season really is all about Jesus, and how He unselfishly and lovingly came to rescue the world. There is so much to say, blogs would never do the job properly.
This isnt the first Christmas without our whole family together. So this isnt anything drastic, like some people tend to think it is. The attention of those worried people is nice, although rather illogical, we're not handicapped 4 year olds begging for bread we're rather mature  enough to take care of ourselves and spend our days doing tons of reasonable work that we would never get to do if Shula was in the way, or parents.
This season will be quite. maybe even some might call it dull, sad.  But personally for me it will be the time to start like never before loving unselfishly. And personally for me, thats rather exciting.

one real friend

This is Esther and I at some place 1 or 2 years ago in Kiev Ukraine.
 I have let the thought of her being my best friend, the one and only, slip through my brains for now. I know, not the most typical thing to do..but
seriously who can be closer other than God and Family, I have discovered that hardly no one, or I just haven't met anyone yet

немного слов с недели

There is something I want to write here..very much. But I know I shouldn't. And So anyway, I won't.
This week has been full of many great things, as well as the most stupidest and illogical.
I still cant get over how people tend to copy, out of all the people,  me, and especially when females attempt to do so, ...lets talk about wanna-be's, a pretty bad title to end up with if you ask me.
God's presence over-whelms me, the only thing that keeps me living, its like a breath of fresh winter air after being locked up in an unconditioned barn all summer. Actually its alot better, My words escape me when I attempt to describe such a thing, no one will ever understand until they experience it.
just the same with kids, no, you will never, ever know what its like unless you have one of your own
I know I sound deprived, I miss Shula, no matter how much I'm enjoying all this time without her.
 its interesting how sometimes we want two completely different things at one time.
its illogical in my case to have so much time, ideas and projects and plus to that live with a baby, such as Shula 24/7 under one roof. that my dear is impossible and I fully realize that
I hate wanting the illogical
and that doesnt just apply with Shula in my case.
and I guess I better stop here

late nights late mornings

last night at 12:00am was my last work day for now. Maybe after Christmas break I will continue again, but for now I will be waiting, hoping and praying that they will call me again and I can earn a penny or two. actually they pay really good and I love them, overlooking their snobyness and arrogance.
and you probably wont ever beleive if I said that its all about baby-sitting and house cleaning, but yep, thats what I have been busied to death with. extremely tired and almost creativity deprived at the end.
coming home from work at 1am isnt the greatest surge of happy feelings, its the long hours of planning what I will be doing ahead is what sparks up my mind and heart once again.
this morning I finally got to talk with parents again after a long time, they are back in Kiev, and somewhere in spring they will come back home to Florida to us and the church , but than we're of once again.
 this time I'm probably heading with them....but that is still a maybe.
Its all in God's Hands and I'm so exuberantly thankful  from  the depths of my soul for the provision that He supplies us here and there.

Come unto Me

"Come unto Me. Come unto Me, You say. All right then, dear Lord. 
I will try in my own absurd way. In my own absurd way I will try to come unto You, a project which is in itself by no means unabsurd. 
Because I do not know the time or place where You are. And if by some glad accident my feet should stumble on it, I do not know that I would know that I had stumbled on it. And even if I did know, I do not know for sure that I would find You there. … And if You are there, I do not know that I would recognize You. And if I recognized You, I do not know what that would mean or even what I would like it to mean. I do not even well know who it is you summon, myself.

For who am I? I know only that heel and toe, memory and metatarsal, I am everything that turns, all of a piece, unthinking, at the sound of my name. … Come unto Me, You say.
 I, … all of me, unknowing and finally unknowable even to myself, turn. O Lord and Lover, I come if I can to You down through the litter of any day, through sleeping and waking and eating and saying goodbye and going away and coming back again. laboring and laden with endless histories heavy on my back."
— Frederick Buechner (The Alphabet of Grace)

look ahead

teplota & films

is it okay that sometimes I feel like all of this is completely irrelevant,
sometimes I feel like I'm so low...
so, God forbid, lukewarm.
lukewarm, I hate that, I even hate that word itself.
its the worst thing that I'd ever want to happen to me, I'd rather be a sick wheel chaired retard, but be passionately burning, rather than be whole and well and be so..regular and lukewarm
but no matter how I hate it it, yet somehow it lurks upon me...this time I wont let it, I wont ever let it happen again
set apart holy...if we as 'christians' would stay away from buying some things and going to the theaters to see stuff like transformers, star trek, twilight, than maybe it wouldnt be best selling
and than what is the thing with christians watching that trash? its the most revolting thing I've ever seen, according to the trailers. revolting. so. stupid.
God its like they're blind.

Romans 10:14-15

How then shall they call on Him in whom they have not believed? and how shall they believe in Him of whom they have not heard? and how shall they hear without a preacher? and how shall they preach, except they be sent? 

zamorojiniye yagada

my head is crackling and ripping in tension, just thinking of the people in my life, the ones who are in Belarus, the ones who are in America.
such completely DIFFERENT people. it amazes me that they all live in the same era, in the same world.
I'd never survive being God

not just another week, or maybe it is

Well, for the past few days and weeks which I haven't blogged, happened some thing which are worth writing about, but my memory is short and I just cant remember now, on the other hand, maybe it just doesnt matter
Monday.
ehh.. lets breath in deep and remember not to forget everything that happened yesterday.
 listening to David makes me laugh, I wish I could have such fun and fat conversations with other people like that as well, sadly everyone takes everything too seriously and some just dont take anything seriously at all...
listening to parents and Shula via skype everyday makes me go silently crazy. I do miss them. and I do think it would be easier if I went with them to Kiev.
Dont even know how to start describing everything happening, dont know..dont know dont know.
thats all