Loving this challenging weekend.
Although for me it was a distressing and tiring 2 days, but now I've come to realize that I love it.
it's just staying joyful, happy and peaceful was what got me off balance. I tried the whole 'fake it till I make it' but it didnt work, I suck at being insincere.
And lately I can't stand people watching me when I feeling like crumbling and look like crap. But I guess thats the whole fun part.
I know I used to stare at weird or ugly people more than at beautiful and talented ones, now I try not to stare at anyone, but there's nothing 'trying' about it actually. I just don't have time to notice. I've been really dazed lately.
tonight my driving was frightening me it's like I didnt feel pedals under my feet or my hands on the steering wheel. At least I got Shula fed and laid her to bed and she's really happy. I love her, & I love how she loves me when I'm a mess.
Now my very very very loved parents and esther are coming back in a few hours, and yes I'm being senseless and staying up too late to topple them down when they come through the door at some early AM hour of the night.
Enjoying every drippity drop of silence, grandmother and shula were driving me crazy both talking at the same time, thinking that whatever they were saying deserved the most profound and full attention. Can't they see that they'er both talking too loud and no matter how hard I tried I didn't hear either one of them?
Elderly people are so much like infants and toddlers. It's just like sunrise and sunset have so much in common. rising up and than disappearing into eternity...never really realizing
