July decided to start of with a harsh spit in my face today. Didn't really need that.
David came back from north carolina last night. I think this might be the first time in a long while that it's raining and I'm not excited much.
Sometimes people have this thing installed in them that when they do something hard, selfless, good, or when we are so persistent in doing hard, generous, good things, than we get some kind of reward, or maybe a good reputation or we have all those people loving us.
Something like a sow and reap mentality. I do something generous and hard, I get respect from people around me. and there's many examples of stuff we dont even notice that go flying through our minds at those 'selfless' moments of generosity and hardships.
 And nothing is really wrong with that..
 I just think that when we have it as an expectation of everything we do, than God will put you through a time, place, when you reap absolutely nothing for years except hearing someone else take the title as you go along plowing through everyday doing things you wouldn't normally do for someone else with sweat and sore bones and slight confusion of your missing glory moment.
that is just to get that heart in that right place. Who knows if all those things will ever be appreciated, known.
guess when we all get to heaven we'll see
That's what my whole summer has been about so far. Invisible, sore, and a huge slight ticked-off-ness when I see people whine and complain.
All the while catching myself at moments doing the same and than feeling like beating myself up.
So as a conclusion, I decided to start aggravating the devil by going around each day with joy and humbleness praising the good Lord. Because, that's simply the only  working option.