Disgusted. Can't stand my blog, such typical little cute phrases that everyone knows and uses. feeling so, brown and dusted and dry.
I'm at this point where I can sit from morning till night staring at the wall in front of me, getting lost, getting not found and than going back to bed.
At least I managed to stuff some radishes and matzo into my bones and skin today, only to remember that radishes and an empty stomach never mixed and never will. drained it all with coffee and no sugar.
Everyone at the house and skype are annoyed by me, telling me to stop being so down and dark. I tell them that I'm in the midst of thinking, I'm not sad, dark ( I never am) not angry, just thoughtful. I can't stand when people tell me I'm sad. Because I'm not, never was, never will be.
Fully understanding that it's all from God, for God, and all going towards Him. everything thats left of me, is in Him, for Him, from within Him, and all going towards Him. I'm made of complete trust. Trust and nothin else, well maybe some love, if there is any left, I wonder. hoping it's there.
