We will never know God's character all the way. Damn I dont think we'll even get close. 
Everyone talks so much about the characters of God. Especially the character love. 
What they say is true. But why do we get so lost in His amazing love and never really pay attention to His wrath (which sometimes might seem unreasonable just because we never see the whole picture). 
Merciful, Loving, forgiving, generous. We can't just study, name, and teach everyone who God is. Because we don't know nothing even close to his greatness. 
I'm not saying that we shouldn't try. 
The Lord examines the righteous, but the wicked and those who love violence His soul hates. On the wicked He will rain fiery coals and burning sulfur, a scorching wind. 
Psalm 11:5-6

My computer (as always) is over-full and overworked, because it seems like everyone who comes into our house thinks this is a public computer with free internet for everyone. But that's not the problem. The problem is THAT I JUST DELETED PERMANENTLY SOOO MANY PICTURES (including all my newish pictures on facebook, because it was linked to iphoto trash) I HAAAATTTTEEEE IPHOOOOTOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! I NEEEEDDD TO VEEEEENNNNNTTTTTT!!!! GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH KDJSFGGGHHHBBBMNSGFYUREFGI;OEWIO;DJKSGHFJYWTAR3ILQW3UEWJ,DGSHJS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

As somewhat of an amateur photographer, I feel like a part of my heart has been chipped away. I hate iphoto. I hate losing my pictures forever. I hate using the word hate so much. 

Don't get me wrong,  I've actually have been having some really good 2 weeks so far... Yesterday I just wanted to sing to the world a top a bridge about what a good day it had been. But tonight.... ugh my pictures were so dear to me.

Where I want to be? In a forest, on the border of a big river... a fire at night... A cold swim in the early dewy morning..boating, canoeing, picking berries. Maybe having a nice small crowd of enjoyable people.
 I remember not so long ago I was wishing of living in a metropolitan area, the subways, hundreds of people every minute passing by, the rush, the quick life full of so many events that you can't even remember what you did yesterday. Because yesterday suddenly feels like forever ago. The never ending pumping noise, people's random conversations, beeping cars, kids, music, birds at times, puddles splashing, cement, feet walking. A city's rhyme.
Now I'm in the midst of it. No shut window can keep the sound silent for a while.
Just thinking how the human nature is never satisfied.
Where do you want to be?

Going through that 'wanting to be at two places at one time' phase. It's JULY!!!!!! And it will be an exciting month. I want to figure out which path to choose this week, which will set off the end of my summer in a definite direction..
Yesterday I want boating with my two brother cousins. I love the water.. Boating is so relaxing... and I couldn't stop myself from saying "this is soo cool" over and over again, I might have driven my brothers crazy. I got to row the boat too! Also we wandered and dinner-ed around the carnival and later hit off towards a movie-party at my friend's work place's club. Pizza, Pirates of the Caribbean, kvas, latte, and billiard. My new heels kind of killed my feet last night/early morning. I'm soaking them in bread, boiled water, and oil. Good way to end June? haha..
Now I have to start setting up for church tonight.
Our house is bursting with over-nighter-summer guests. Help. Me.

The anxiety of the week before the camp is over. The whole camp is over. It's amazing how the days just run, and keep moving on... and all those feelings do too. And than a set of something new comes up. You think it's so big, and never will be over. But it does have the tendency to end. Everything leads to an end. God doesn't. God is the only good and constant and stable being, idea, thought, feeling, to cling on to.
I like the team of Sweds whom I had such a fun time teaming up to make this camp happen. The camp was interesting. It rained most of the time... But if you know me, you know how much I adore rain. Everything happened, in such a God-planned way. I wasn't the only one who wished it could've lasted longer than 3 days.. :)
Blogging always was to me some kind of a place where I could come to write everything that people would never read.. But that changed and now I have 1,000 things locked up inside. I don't even know how to make sense of everything.. and maybe I shouldn't. Making sense of everything is a hardship I'm not willing to take up on myself anymore. 

ha ha

I totally realize that I'm supposed to be posting more often here. But when theres so much going on in life, poor blogger seems to be forgotten.
 "So much going on in life" is a ridiculous phrase. Inside of me I do a silent gag whenever someone says that about their life. Actually I've given up silent gagging, there's just been too much of it from everything people blab about with this unnecessary haughtiness.
 I have a wish somewhere deep down in my soul to meet someone like-minded. And a fear deep down that it will never happen. And a calmness about it all. About everything. Peaceful soul, mind... everything is going as it should. Even the hell-on-earth type of moments this week. Fiascos. Maybe you get this peaceful when you're left washed out and weary from all your previous reactions and emotions. And now you're just.. I don't know.. Thinking about heaven and bitter-sweetly wishing to master the violin each time I listen to morning star.

If I were the people around me; I'd never ever take to criticize, or say how bad something is done. organized, made until I have been through it and did the same thing too.
It's so easy to be all "OMG that prayer thing they did was so empty/ fruitless/ unprofessional/ insert all of those things you know you say."
That's the easiest thing to be, just a say-er.
Take up the huge responsibility of organizing or leading an event, after it your mouth will stay sealed with the sweet seal of humbleness. And this I speak from my own experience.

Right now I'm standing in the midst of the inconsistency of this world. Some say it's exciting.
Cleaning out all the 13 top shelves of our kitchen, big billowy white trash bag in one hand, hundreds of things that've been stored up in those shelves in the other hand. My life is on the go, and I don't know, when something will change and all of a sudden I'm packing suitcases.
Maybe my mom just likes to frighten me with those kinds of thoughts "Don't get too comfortable here" etc.  so that I'd be somewhat prepared...
Lately it seems to me like nothing is constant.
Consistent is defined by the state of Florida or in other words unchanging over a long period of time.
Kind of gah and bleh and ugh all at the same time just to be reminded of the feelings I had there from all the consistency.
But from a better aspect, Consistent means faithful. And I don't know what could be better than faithfulness.. in a people.
Basically I'm off track, and my mind is as always lost in thoughts. It's just become somewhat of a norm for my mind to not quite be able to figure things out.
But damn, in the world of inconsistencies, let us be consistent. shall we?

After a long day, finally home, watching The Voice, and trying to figure out if I like this new shirt! 

Ukraine has really, really bad water.
We put up a filter in the kitchen for the cooking, but the bathroom doesn't get a filter.
My skin is really, really sensitive, thus I've been having big time problems because of this evil water, especially the sensitive areas like my neck and face.
 Irritated skin like never before and different pricy lotions and potions don't do their over-estimated magic. The amount of foundation and concealers I use is hazardous, seriously.
I've just been so down about it. A lot of people living here are used to it I guess, their skin has harshened and adjusted, their teeth yellowed, their hair thinned, the subject of water is officially irrelevant to them.
I have this incurable love for long baths, soakings, different salts and bubbles and creams. It seems like I can't just give that up, even if the after-bath state of skin is something that makes me not want to wake up in the mornings.
I feel like I'm in Africa? All of a sudden I'm interested in the development of water in Ukraine, where can they possibly dig up such a hazard well of water for living human beings?!
Blogs are for venting and ranting. and I'm done.