Begin being awake.

My about me is officially and possibly forever going to fit inside the book of Psalms. And some bits of other books. It would've been so 'it' to post all my little cute revelations and bible verses, but everyone should do their own personal seeking. I could be wrong of course, wrongness seems to like me lately.
I don't get someone else's revelations 90% of the time, or when they post pages and pages of psalms, I wonder if anyone reads it all off their blog! Maybe someone who really loves them; in love people do anything for each other. These past few days I've tried and somehow lopsided succeeded in being alone with the whole Bible loving kit (journal, pen, highlighter, coffee, chocolates you know how it goes). There is no better book than the Bible... Tomorrow is the last class of ecd.
Funny how I've found myself writing here most when I'm undergoing a gray time in life.. Everyone goes through gray tunnels, only to get out at some point or another... I just wish I didn't eat so much chocolate while getting out.
Upstairs the whole 4rth floor of our apartment is a hotel. I constantly hear heels clicking from 6am - 3am.
Im sorry for the complaints. Its just that about an hour ago I've realized all over again something that I wish I'd never let myself fall into.
Gray tunnel. There's alway going to be a way out.

Remembering the times when my phone was silent. Or no, wait, the times when I had no phone. Which was less than a year ago!  Now I'm trying to manage my over flowing inbox and missed calls from people who "will be by you all night long" and "crazily long for some time with you, the time with you is impossible to forget". CREEPY! OK! Get some tact please.

I guess I don't know how to manage untactful, clingy, stalker relationships. Only cleaning up the inbox after them.

clean...

You would think that a reload trip far away would really start something new and erase all things you'd want it to. But of course not. Thats just not the way of nature. I came back from Chernovograd with a whole new beginning of confusion and weird relationships; like I don't have enough of that.
I like blogger. I can come here to rant and vent and no one minds.. thats really nice.
Instrumental music has been my soundtrack. Nothing else feels right anymore.
I've been questioning a lot of my so called foundations in life. And than coming right back to them, agreeing that everything else is just nothing.
Can't people see it? It's so obvious. It all begins and ends with God. And Jesus Christ is not a slang you use when you loose your temper; Jesus Christ is the biggest example of perfection and love.
Perfection and love. Something I'm not. I just want to be left alone forever, at the same time I'm afraid of that. No more trips for me. I'm staying right where I'm at.
But of course. Rules are made to be broken.

Today.. Starts off a busy few days. Managing not only a party-ish thing tonight, but also teaching and leading a class on a lesson about... you will never guess; Resumes and Cover Letters! The irony of life. I've never even had an official job to apply and send those letters to. But I did do my study and homework well, I feel like an expert now, I had to get to that feeling, the weight of ECD pushed me towards so much responsibility, I had to find ways to get to feelings of peace and expert-ness. Lol to all of that.
After the great night tonight, which is about to start in a few hours, I'm planning to have a chocolate mask for my face to rejuvenate for the days ahead.
Tomorrow to the dentist I go, if you really want to know, it will be an orthodontist. I don't want to talk about it. My teeth need to be perfect. Thats all.
After the dentist I plan to stuff my face with lattes and chocolates and cake, and than off to a shopping trip I go with my dad. Because the next day we're hosting a big old party for our church in honor of Jesus Christ being alive.
In the midst of that I'm packing myself and Shula. Saturday church, than straight from there I run with Shula, and Igor with our suitcases in hand to the train station and away away away we ride off to Chernovagrad from which I don't know what to expect. My sister's birthday (cousin). I've stored up some riskness in my stuff for late nights of fun dares after I put Shula to sleep. Sunday theres this all day picnic in the forest with their church, I love that kind of stuff. I'll try to get lost in the forest, my ultimate goal for the trip. Because I won't be gone long. By Wednesday Im back again and ECD will wrack my brain once more.
Heres to the week! and you, have a good one.

I bought bright red tights for Spring. Bright things that you've never worn before..almost kind of symbolizes new beginnings. Which is true in my case because in about 5 days? On Wednesday is the first lesson of the 2nd course of ecd.
And to be honest, I'm frazzled by that. I don't have much planned, didn't do my 'brainstorming/ studying' about how these lessons should proceed.
What I wanted to do was just go along with whatever happens, making sure that everyone spoke loads of english by asking them lots of questions and breaking them into groups for talking.
Today is my last day of 'vacation'.. Going out for an irish coffee. Wish me love.
After 5 weeks I will let you know how it went!

It's been four days... but I know April can't even begin without me saying hello to it (due to the STILL chilly weather here); so Hello April! treat us well these next 27 days!

I used to criticize Spring. I never liked it. It was all so banal and sweaty. But now, after a cold Winter, I'm just yearning for any signs of spring. A sunny morning? I'm up early. Birds singing? I start singing every song I know. A patch of grass? Haven't seen that here in the city. It's all cement and sand. So in my case it would be "An unfrozen patch of sand?" and that would lead me to buy ice-cream and overlook my hurting throat. Soar throat? Yeah that's another sign of spring for me, it means that I overestimated the morning sunshine and thought that the weather was too good for a scarf. Which it wasn't of course, because here in Kiev it is still too cold. Im not complaining of course. I make decisions to enjoy whatever I can't change. That's concerning the weather mostly. Did I tell you that I don't like the word change anymore? It irritates me, all this 'change' crappage that people go through is just an illusion-ized lie phase in a sad person's life.
True story.

I love anyone who still manages to come here and read my blog, actually that's a bit creepy, since I don't post much, and I don't post nothing educational for your life. But creepy and sweet have always kind of had something to do with each other. Amusing I know.
I've been in Ukraine for almost 3 months now. Interesting events were attended, many new connections made and everything lead to another 'thing' and so on. I started this english club. It has been going on for 4 weeks, and today was the pre-last class of this 1st course. Sometimes I look at this project and think "How random" I mean, I used to dream of being a teacher and leading a class. After a while I gave that idea up, and as soon as I did, boom. English class. But honestly being a teacher isn't fun. So in the end I'm just so proud of myself for doing such a good job (student's words not mine) despite it being different from what I had prepared myself for. It must be God answering my parent's prayers,  I don't think I could ever be successful without their blessing and prayers.
It had been so amazing to meet so many people. At first I wrote "it has been amazing to meet so many different people" but being a bit annoying and honest, I would say that they are all the same and I constantly confuse their names.
 I'm just starting to love writing again. Maybe some day I will write a novel or a song. Maybe that day will be tomorrow because that's all I've been thinking about since Monday. Ambitious I know.
I would like to call it a-girl-who-never-believed-in-dreams-a girl-who-hated-the word-dream-has-decided-to-test-a-far-fetched-dream-of-hers.
And I know I won't get far in a lyric writing business with such big ill-thought-out names. But hey, Im learning. Trail and error.
Tonight was a trail and error type of learning thing I had with some people before returning home defeated, maybe that's why I can't fall asleep. Sometimes a feeling of confusion won't let you fall asleep quick. So you can always create a blogger and blog away with me!
That was the most cheesiest post ending that I have ever published on blogger.com and have succeeded at confusing you because this post has been effeminately disorganized. on purpose of course:)

This quick little post is way over due. The thing is I can't believe how my life turned inside out. And Im actually living in Kiev now. Full fast flying by days. Its crazy how my birthday is only in 25 days:) Send me love and presents. Hmmm I love everything! 

As requested by some people I will write little tid bits of everyday life over here. Ok, so the subways are exhilarating. This makes me a tourist, or a child. but no one cares if Im either one of those. Today I was on my way home from classes, during the 5pm hour (coming home from work hour) The subways were way overpacked. And the train was just jerking constantly and going really fast but no one cared about falling or holding on, because we were all so tightly packed against each other that I couldnt even pick up my phone when it rang. This is everyday travel here. cars are kind of out of the question with the crazy traffic here. But the city life can be fun, I tend to enjoy it surprisingly.  But the 24/7 guests pouring in and out everyday without warning get me under a temptation of exploding. Yes  ofcourse I just want to be alone after a loud busy day. But instead my pastor's daughter character gets the best of me and I make myself go out and love on people and serve them with food and fellowship. Lately Im just wishing people would be more tactful and shut up more often. And kiev/russian guys? ugh, why talk so much? I really dont like talkative guys. Also diction and pronunciation is so crucial and important for every living human on earth. I cant stress this more. Wok, work, work, whenever you speak, on your clarity, diction, etc. It has alot to do with singing too. And lately I've been singing until my voice breaks. So all that's been bothering me. 

Well truth be told, Im actually supposed to stay up with my computer while it copies 10,000 of my pictures from my computer to a hard drive to clear up space for a project that Im getting really serious about. More about that later. Im trying to do something to keep my head up from flopping into the screen. Bye lovable people!

Winter time makes me feel the warmest inside than any hot summer day. Haven't started counting down days of when I'm leaving America with my parents to Kiev etc. It will be on the 29th of Dec. But I'm not going to let the end of December rule the first part of it. If I started making a lists of everything that I want to do before I leave it would be overwhelming. I like America and americans. Somethings are fishy, some are just sweet. It's been the hardest thing ever for me to quit suspecting every living thing on earth. 

I have no idea whats to come to be honest, or what to expect.  I do have pages scribbled away with my life's plans for the next 5 years, but God has a way of making 190 turns in all of my plans. 

The last two months flew by for me in a whirl of lots of things. Should I have told you that? No. Should I keep ranting in hidden cliched phrases about my feelings toward those 2 months? No.
28 more days and I wave goodbye to Florida. Christmastime is beautiful! Especially here in America! Lav it!