Friday, December 30, 2011

It is time to make an After-Christmas post. Sometimes it feels like the week after Christmas is one of the most awkward ones of the year! And I'm guessing the week after New Year is pretty awkward too.  Everyone spends like a whole month preparing for the holidays, and than... all of a sudden everything is over... And everyones trying to trudge back to a normal life.
Not me though of course. I've hardly been home, and today felt like such a great day just because I could stay home and wash the floors!!!
Maybe it has something to do with someones birthday being right after Christmas. Like my dad's. I love my dad:)
Or maybe I've taken each day with happiness and an easy spirit.

For the past several years, my family has started an amazing new tradition for New Year. As soon as the clock ticks 12:00 and the New Year begins; we kneel down on our knees and spend the next hour or so in prayer.
 The most best part about it? God has answered everything I was praying about those first few minutes of the new year. It's almost like a special time... a favored time God has for listening..
It's been such an amazing year. The good, the bad and the unwritable.
This time last year I was packing and saying 'Good bye America' and January 1st was met in Kiev Ukraine.
You know how it sometimes feels like years have gone by, at the same time it feels like it's only been a week, but the truth is that only one regular year has happened? My thoughts exactly.

Where were you this time last year? Are you happy with how 2011 turned out to be?

P.s. totally doing this frame idea somewhere in the house!:)


Saturday, December 24, 2011

That Saturday evening sbux mocha date? Forget it darlings for today I have received an amazing gift from my amazing friend Adam Amazing Zink. (alright Im joking bout the middle name but everything else is a fact!)
His gift shall never send me to starbucks ever again. Of course unless I'm buying a new tumbler or espresso powder. Espresso powder to make my VERY OWN CAPPUCCINOS AND ESPRESSOS!
Yes and it's all mine. The cappuccino/espresso machine is all mine to make my mornings even better and guests even happier and my family even more lovelier!
What a good gift idea?! Write it down in your little red or black books for next year's Christmas, if your friend's are coffee lovers, they will think you to be so clever.
 Did I mention what an amazing day today was? Everyday just keeps getting better and better, it's crazy:)
I can write no more. The best days are unwritable:)

Never get tired of doing good things for others. Sometimes those little things occupy the biggest part of their hearts.

And now, I am overtaken with the desire to make the world a nice cup of cappuccino:)


Friday, December 23, 2011

Guess why I'm happy right now?

I HAVE FINISHED ALL OF MY CHRISTMAS SHOOOPPPPIIINGG YEEEE HHAAAWWW!!!!!

Exhilarated but tired. Why oh WHY?! do I wear heals when I know I'll be running around for hours and miles?
I can only blame this morning when I woke up wanting to feel pretty:) This doesnt happen everyday. Most days I wake up wanting to find a nice, soft, XXXL hoodie and never leave the comfort of it's fleece. Awful I know!
So this morning was special. Except now I don't have anymore lotion and body butter to slather on.

I have discovered a beautiful but cliched mystery. You know how sometimes you wake up in the mornings and you wish you could sleep forever? (Or is it just negative, grumpy, so-not-morning-person me?)
Anyway, I have a testimony. Seriously dont laugh! Instead of singing 'I could sleep right here forever' to the tune of 'I could sing of Your love forever', I said 'no' to the never-ending ramblings of my mind and proclaimed out loud that - "TODAY WILL BE A GOOD DAY!" And it turned out to be a GOOD day! Now every morning I wake up with my proclamations and every night I stare amazed at Esther and say " Wow, today was such a great day"
I haven't had a bad day in such a long while.. Nothing seems to aggravate me, so much peace and joy. Just like this season should be:) Even the warm weather isn't a bother to me - I got to tan today in a tiny dress with a cup of ice tea outside!
What's the weather like where you're at?
I got to talk with my mom and dad for a whole hour today on the phone. Remember everyone to spend time with your parents, while you still have them.

God is good 24/7 and nationwide :)

Oh and Tonight, I drank my very first mocha. White chocolate mocha. Triple YUM!!!

Lets go out for mocha's together to this starbucks. Saturday at 5pm? Sounds good:)




Sunday, December 18, 2011

Three days have passed since my parent's have left. This time it has been so hard for me, or actually all of us kids. Like never before. Tense, pressure, and stress. Lord help me.

These three days have been choked full of everything crazy. You know those times when it's absolutely hard but absolutely exciting? This is what it's been. Today was SUCH an amazing day! David and his girlfriend Anna (love her!) took Shula and I with them to a Messianic Synagogue.
So much goodness in one place, in one day, blogger.com cannot contain the amazingness in my head! and I even got to finish some of my Christmas shopping in their little Jewish shop full of the sweetest things right from Israel!!!

Also we went to see Happy Feet two, which is such a cute movie, go see it! I didnt even feel guilt after leaving the movie theater haha!

After that I washed floors, cooked, fed, eat and piled into the car to see the amazing nights of lights.
  
 St. Augustine is a beautiful place with it's own little unique character, but I couldn't help thinking how funny it was to come on a Saturday night, theres was too many people, reminded me of Kiev. I just can't run away from it can I? Little tid bits of Kiev just pop up in my everyday life here.. Frustrating.
I'm glad we went there tonight, everyone of us, which is David, Anna Shu and I and the guests who live with us. I must say, It hasn't been easy living with people who won a green card and have a 1 year old baby. Some alone time with only my family sounds like heaven now. Especially when my older sister Esther has been just so busy with her work. Yes I'm complaining; thats what blogs are for:)
But God gives so much grace to handle every living thing.
It has been a great day. 
Sometimes you just have to throw everything away and go enjoy life.
Pictures coming soon:)
Enjoy the holidays, there is always something to be thankful for and happy about!!!
For some reason I just looove everyone today.
Don't you just want to snuggle up in that room? 


Monday, December 12, 2011

Sometimes I feel like I have nothing left to say after two good church messages. So I stay till 2am deciphering the things that I heard.
 It's a sad thing when important things flow into our left ear and float right out of our right ear, never dwelling in our mind! I don't want important things to flow away; Lord help me remember your truth and forget the devil's lies! Amen!

P.s. I ♥ old people.


Saturday, December 10, 2011

Excuse me world for being such a grump when it comes to Christmas presents this year!
I have no clue what happened, I used to love it so very much... I was addicted. I still am, giving presents is my favorite thing ever, but getting presents makes me sick.
Maybe I'm sick.
And actually yes I am. Runny nose, soar throat, thick wool socks, feeling awful and sitting right now in Panera. People like me should be laying in bed right now! And all for the love of my sister, I do everything for her... She was the first present I got and wrapped up too. I just love wrapping presents and piling them under the tree! Last year I had a color code, bright red, baby blue, and satan white, it looked retro, I loved it. This year there is no color code, because the guests who live with us don't care much about it I guess.
But those presents in the picture above really caught me by my soft side, the big floppy bows; awww, chocolate colored wrapping paper; love it!

Friday, December 9, 2011

OMG I'm writing a post on blogger finally! This is happy news for me; writing alway leaves me with a feeling of accomplishment.
I have been in the wonderful US of A for 2 months now (I think?). I totally lost track of time here.
 Losing track of time is what happens when you're enjoying the time, yes? Or when you're more busier than you thought you'd be?
 I don't know, for me it's both! The time here in this blessed land has been bittersweet! Don't I just say that about every place I get to live at? haha! That is life my darlings.
Bittersweet. Full of the good, the bad, the happy, the painful, the sweet, the sour, the salty, the spicy, and so on, and on and on.
 It'd be ridiculously illogical for someone to say that being somewhere is perfect, flawless, happy etc.
 As long as we aren't in heaven; it's always going to be bittersweet.
Even when it's, lets say, your perfect little wedding day, theres always the poor starving african children, persecuted christians, suicidal teenagers to be bitter and sad about.
 Alright, thats a bit of a  far stretched example.but u know what I mean.
I'm exuberant about everything here; the fun interesting people, the church, the family, the guests, the weather, the holidays, the food, the shopping, the ocean, But at the same time I traveled back to my Florida home for just a tiny piece of  peace and solitude. Which I have not found surprisingly. Loud, crazy, busy days. I love God, He has a sense of humor when it comes to my life. haha!

These pictures make me laugh every time (I love the determined cat! And those unaware tourists just Crack Me Up LOL!)



Monday, September 5, 2011

You have 3 seconds to guess what I'm doing right now! Ah, yes, you are correct; I'm sipping away on my steaming hot herbal tea with all of it's pleasantness drifting up into my nostrils and making its way up into my head thus inspiring me to write!
I'm such a beyond blessed child. God has gifted into my life a second adorable brother! His name is Egor, He's 11. He fits into our family so well. I think he's of a Jewish background.. He's very shrewd (like Esther!) and at the same time gentle and sentimental.
Alas. some document trouble so he was sent to a christian orphan house/center in another city in Ukraine so he could attend school properly for now. But on Christmas we're taking him back for good.

Im so not making any sense right now am I? There's just so much to it. I dont know where to begin or how to end. So I just start somewhere, and confuse those around me

Never would I have imagined a few years ago, that these people here, would talk about me stating that I'm the 'powerful, influential gal'.
Our 1 year old church has started to grow all of a sudden. just a month ago. Sometimes we wont even fit into the room we gather in. Lately I've been tired of these sweet people looking up to me, eating me away with their eyes.  Everywhere I go there seems a little crowd walking around me like flower petals.
 I got a hunger for loneliness  right now. And hunger for lowliness. But ironically the lower you go, the higher God lifts you up. When you try to hide, people try to find you.
Unlike those other times in my salad-like life when I wanted to be seen but no one was looking.

Im embarrassing myself now. So I'll write something else.
 Last night my friends dragged me out at night  (gotta brag, it was a very nice theater:) to see Jane Eyre. What are your thoughts about it?
I thought there was so many aspects to it.. Everything turned around unexcpectedly. I liked all those little references towards the Bible and God and religion playing out along the whole movie.
It reminded me a lot  of the whole pride and prejudice feeling, except in a whole new, exciting, and deeper way. I wouldn't watch that movie alone though (somewhat of a depressive feeling lingering around?). Thats when I bubble over with thankfulness to God for giving me friends who are, unlike me, so chipper, cheerful, immature, pathetic, stable and amazing:)

Ok enough with the movie review. I want to testify that God answers prayers. Starting from silly little things like last night, when, after service we went sushi-ing and prayed together for God to lead us somewhere where we have to be. Which surprisingly and totally un-religiously ended up being in that movie theater. It wasn't just the movie, all though many good things were brought out from it for everyone. It was also the fellowshipping that went on through most of the time.
Which leads me to point #2
I once prayed that God would give me good friends. and He did:)
But as always problems come ( and go too :)
And my problem is that I have 40 more days left here in Ukraine, with my special friends and all those other beloved people. Then it's America. and life starts over again.
 Everything here that's been built for the past 9 months, is staying. And I come to the blessed Usa where I have nothing but Esther and our sweet family Florida home.. and church, and the beach.
What is God up to now?


Sunday, August 21, 2011

Yelena

It's amazing how every Saturday is so different... We have our main church service on Saturday afternoons.
Afterwards we bunch into groups and go do something fun.
 Today, totally unplanned, I ended up with my two good friends Marina and Alex.
 After some repeating rounds of coffee, tea and ice-cream and heated discussions, we finally got up to go home. Whilst walking towards the metro, Marina receives a call from a lady we had met during one of our street evangelization events.
It was a mother begging for someone to visit her daughter who's husband had died.
 "She needs prayer" said the mother.
 The mother and daughter were both unsaved, didn't attend any church, and acted rather skeptical during the evangelization. Still they got our church invite and thus, knew what number to dial when the storms of life came upon them.
"We should go together!" suggested Marina. So after making Alex buy a pretty box of chocolates we were on our way.
Coming up to the building, we started praying, and singing. Up in the elevator we went to the 8th floor. Finding the right door, the bell was rung, the door knocked on. No answer. Once again.
Calling the mother, we heard her all in tears still pleading us to not give up and get to the daughter. "She's having such a hard time, my Lenochka!" the mom said in between sobs. Thats when we found out the daughter's name; Lena, besides her name, Lena was a stranger to us.
So we didn't give up, persistently knocking until we heard a voice behind the door.
It was Lena. And her voice was beyond drunk, wavering, almost whining. After a confusing conversation behind the doors, we begged her to open the door so we could make sure she's alive (we tried being funny). 
Lena cracked the door open, my friend Alex turned around, Marina and I glanced at each other with an "oh uh" glance. Lena was half naked. The only thing on her were her under garments. Her hair was chopped off into a man hair cut.
Even worse was the strong smell that hit us, and almost sent us running home. Over-powering smell of alcohol, cigarettes, meds, and various toilet smells. 
The cracked door was shut once again. We begged her to pull on a cover up. and let us in.
A battle. thats what is was.
"Come in already!" jeered the drunk voice of what was once a lovely lady. 
Heart thumping, glancing at each other, the sweet Marina made the first move (she is 30 years old! not sixteen like me haha!) Alex still stood to the wall, only glancing to see if I moved after Marina. 
Hesitantly, I tried to quit the battle going on in my head. 
"What if we will get hurt? What if she does something violent? I left my phone home, its evening and no one knows where I am... But isn't this what a life of a christian is supposed to be? 
For me to die is only a good gain, I can't wait for heaven. 
What's with all the 'spiritual' people praying and never rolling up their sleeves and going into the real, frightening, thrilling, dirty work? 
I want to be more than just a say-er, pray-er, worshipper. I want to jump. I want to risk it all. I want God to show His glory."
Marina was already in the kitchen by the time I decided to leap into the miniature hell on earth. I took a few steps and hovered by the kitchen entrance. 
Watching Marina talking about paintings with the, at that moment, seemingly happy, drunk Lena. I couldn't see her, she was behind a kitchen wall. I was still so scared to even glance. Alex still hovered by the entrance of the apartment, undergoing his own thought battle I bet. Alex is the oldest (31). More maturity = less simplicity, less naiveness. 
Minuts ticked by like seconds. Coming in to pat her on the shoulder, I saw Marina trying to help her pull a shirt on. It was hard to not notice the vast amount of bruises and cuts all over her body. Especially an extra shuddering bruise/cut right under her eye. 
Lena's green eyes looked so deeply into mine. Silent plea. My inside world shaking.
In the living room, some kind of soap opera was blaring loudly from her plasma tv. Turning to Alex still at the door, I motioned him to turn CNL or something christian on instead of the soap opera. I have no idea what to do with a remote control anyway. I offered to make Lena a cup of tea instead. She refused. Marina guided Lena into the living room and they sat on the couch. The coffee table in front of them was over-spilling with all types of meds, empty and full bottles of vodka, cigarets, tomatoes, lemons, some more remote controls. In the kitchen I noticed broken glass. I couldnt find any food. But tea I did find. Of course. I'm in Ukraine after all:)
Worship music started streaming into the apt. The smell was so bad, I wanted to puke, it was filling my lungs. I tucked my nose into my scarf that smelled like my nice burbery perfume. 
With tea I came in and sat on the other side of Lena, Marina was praying in tongues and rubbing her back. 
Tears streamed down her weary face. 
"Very hard!!!" she sobbed.
We prayed none stop, at some point one of us would stop to encourage her, speak love to her, stories about Jesus, testimonies. We suggested she pray with us, helping her say the words out properly. 
Slowly we begun. "I ask you Lord Jesus to forgive me of my sins, to cleanse me with your blood, to fill me with your love, Peace come. Forgive me Jesus. Come into my life I invite you.  Be the Lord of my life." And so on she repeated, proclaiming such power over her life.
Worship started escaping my mouth, I couldn't contain the songs,
"Jesus, Jesus, Holy God, Anointed One, Jesus, - " And so on in russian we went to worship, until we ran out of songs we could remember. 
This is how our evening proceeded. I can't even put into words everything that happened, the way that Jesus moved. Marina got up and started praying over the apartment. Telling the unclean spirits to go away and inviting the Holy Spirit to fill the place. 
Holding Lena's barely hairless head on my shoulder, I was shaken. Her boney body leaned heavily on me. Everything imaginable was strewn all over the room, it was a mess. Poor Alex felt uncomfortable at first. Until He started sharing his testimonies about what Jesus had done in his life. That was powerful.
Marina powered on in prayer. I powered on in worship. Alex powered on in testimony. 
While Lena was staring at Alex, I replaced all the full bottles of vodka with the empty ones from the floor, hid the full new bottles of vodka under my dress and ran for the bathroom. Emptying out all the vodka, I noticed her Chanel make-up. Her Dior jeans. The expensive hair products. This lady wasn't poor. 
After filling up the, now empty, vodka bottles with water I closed them tight and silently replaced them once again on the coffee table. 
Alex was doing a good job with the testimonies. Marina and I broke into her cigarets and broke all of them in half and placed them back in the box. Turning up the volume on CNL, we also hid the remote control and went on to clean up a bit.
Lena was recovering after a few hours. She started telling us about her vacation to Egypt, and other things about herself. 
"We will be your friends, call us anytime of the day, share with us anything you're feeling" We continued to comfort her and embrace her (despite of the horrendous smell)
"Get yourself together, we're picking you up at 4 tomorrow and taking you out for a walk" to this proposition she agreed. 
"No one ever visits me" she continued on and off.  It was hard to part. But the atmosphere was defiantly changing, and the sky outside growing darker. 
"I have to eat something" she continued. We assured her that she does, even offering to cook for her, but I think she was slowly sobering up, and realizing that we're complete strangers. She said that we had done enough and she didn't want us to cook for her too.
"Who are you? Why are you young people doing this? What sect are you from?" she kept asking puzzled. Than rummaged around the table and showed us our church invite. "My mom knows you!" We chatted on and off.. praying inside our hearts. 
As we said good-bye, she hung on to Marina and me, burying her tear stained face in our necks. In such an embrace we all stood, silently.. As the tradition goes here on ukraine she kissed us and thanked us..starting to cry all over again.
Coming home tonight I was shaken. 
Satan, of course, furious, always comes up with some physical earthly disaster once you're on the right track. Entering the house, my dad informs me that my computer died. Or the screen doesn't work. As I said before, my computer had been so public, over-used, eventually out-used by many people. 
Now i'm uncomfortably sitting on a chair typing this on a huge screen..
But nothing can ever take away the happiness in me. Nothing. Nothing else is better than being in tune with God.

Friday, August 19, 2011

Genesis 3:5-7
All Eve and Adam wanted was to be more wise. It's not like they intentionally disobeyed God.
 Eve thought how wonderful it would be to be wise.
So on a quest after such a seemingly good and right thing - wisdom - , sin came into the world.
A lot of people now are in such a quest to get education, to get a degree, to get a diploma.

 And all of that is good. Just like wisdom is a God thing.
 But when anything, even Godly things, go higher than our relationship with God, than death will come. Not even physical death, more like spiritual death.
 They didn't physically die, They were actually given understanding
It seems like the more 'knowledge' someone has; the harder it is to come before God, to be in His presence.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

From the very moment that I woke up today, I wanted to bake sugar cookies and muffins for the tea time we have after our Tuesday night prayer services.
Rushing through the day, the baking was at the back of my mind haunting me (in a pleasant way of course)
So, silly me, thought I could bake it all up right before the service. Which of course was a fail.
The prayer started and I'm still whisking away (with my good friend Nazar trying to help me)
In a hurry I popped everything in the oven and ran to our prayer room with a cup of coffee.
Slowly going deeper into the spirit, I was feeling lots of good things, including the amazing aroma of sugar and vanilla filling the house along with the traditionally late people oozing in.
Now, Tuesday prayer nights, I consider them "my" nights.  Which is probably incorrect. It's God's night. But I lead the music under the leading of the Holy Spirit. It's the most fun thing that I ever enjoy doing. The  Holy Spirit gives such amazing spontaneous beautiful melodic songs, rhymes, words. It's so beyond traditional church singings where everything is planned out and recited the night before with the band.  This is something so new. Totally unplanned and natural.
And I do have to admit that I throughly enjoy that  I have no other people butting in with their versions of russian hillsong songs that they want to out sing with me. bleh. This happens a lot on the other church services we have. Where I'm not in charge. Where I give people and their 'worship music desires' freedom.
So back to my amazing aroma. Eyes closed, happy heart, Jesus on my mind, beautiful new melody coming out of my vocal chords and the guitar strings. Bakery forgotten. Trouble brewing in the kitchen.
Feeling like everyone should sing an old russian hymn together; I open my eyes to mimic to my friend Nazar (who sings with me) that we should do the song we had talked about earlier.
Eyes opened; I see my dad and Nazar making hand motions to me. I thought it was about the song, but alas it was about the burning bakery. Nazar and a few ladies ran off to turn the oven off and somehow save the muffins and cookies.
I couldn't help laughing. I was such a Martha tonight. Unlike Mary. Missing the beginning of my beloved time of the week, Tuesday Prayer, just for the sake of kitchen and food.
Things that we put before our time with God.... Don't we know that our God is a jealous God? He will burn those things in the way of our relationship with Him.
Just like this burned oven-full of, now, inedible rocks. 

Thursday, July 14, 2011

We will never know God's character all the way. Damn I dont think we'll even get close. 
Everyone talks so much about the characters of God. Especially the character love. 
What they say is true. But why do we get so lost in His amazing love and never really pay attention to His wrath (which sometimes might seem unreasonable just because we never see the whole picture). 
Merciful, Loving, forgiving, generous. We can't just study, name, and teach everyone who God is. Because we don't know nothing even close to his greatness. 
I'm not saying that we shouldn't try. 
The Lord examines the righteous, but the wicked and those who love violence His soul hates. On the wicked He will rain fiery coals and burning sulfur, a scorching wind. 
Psalm 11:5-6

Thursday, July 7, 2011

My computer (as always) is over-full and overworked, because it seems like everyone who comes into our house thinks this is a public computer with free internet for everyone. But that's not the problem. The problem is THAT I JUST DELETED PERMANENTLY SOOO MANY PICTURES (including all my newish pictures on facebook, because it was linked to iphoto trash) I HAAAATTTTEEEE IPHOOOOTOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! I NEEEEDDD TO VEEEEENNNNNTTTTTT!!!! GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH KDJSFGGGHHHBBBMNSGFYUREFGI;OEWIO;DJKSGHFJYWTAR3ILQW3UEWJ,DGSHJS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
As somewhat of an amateur photographer, I feel like a part of my heart has been chipped away. I hate iphoto. I hate losing my pictures forever. I hate using the word hate so much. 
Don't get me wrong,  I've actually have been having some really good 2 weeks so far... Yesterday I just wanted to sing to the world a top a bridge about what a good day it had been. But tonight.... ugh my pictures were so dear to me.

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Where I want to be? In a forest, on the border of a big river... a fire at night... A cold swim in the early dewy morning..boating, canoeing, picking berries. Maybe having a nice small crowd of enjoyable people.
 I remember not so long ago I was wishing of living in a metropolitan area, the subways, hundreds of people every minute passing by, the rush, the quick life full of so many events that you can't even remember what you did yesterday. Because yesterday suddenly feels like forever ago. The never ending pumping noise, people's random conversations, beeping cars, kids, music, birds at times, puddles splashing, cement, feet walking. A city's rhyme.
Now I'm in the midst of it. No shut window can keep the sound silent for a while.
Just thinking how the human nature is never satisfied.
Where do you want to be?

Friday, July 1, 2011

Going through that 'wanting to be at two places at one time' phase. It's JULY!!!!!! And it will be an exciting month. I want to figure out which path to choose this week, which will set off the end of my summer in a definite direction..
Yesterday I want boating with my two brother cousins. I love the water.. Boating is so relaxing... and I couldn't stop myself from saying "this is soo cool" over and over again, I might have driven my brothers crazy. I got to row the boat too! Also we wandered and dinner-ed around the carnival and later hit off towards a movie-party at my friend's work place's club. Pizza, Pirates of the Caribbean, kvas, latte, and billiard. My new heels kind of killed my feet last night/early morning. I'm soaking them in bread, boiled water, and oil. Good way to end June? haha..
Now I have to start setting up for church tonight.
Our house is bursting with over-nighter-summer guests. Help. Me.

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

The anxiety of the week before the camp is over. The whole camp is over. It's amazing how the days just run, and keep moving on... and all those feelings do too. And than a set of something new comes up. You think it's so big, and never will be over. But it does have the tendency to end. Everything leads to an end. God doesn't. God is the only good and constant and stable being, idea, thought, feeling, to cling on to.
I like the team of Sweds whom I had such a fun time teaming up to make this camp happen. The camp was interesting. It rained most of the time... But if you know me, you know how much I adore rain. Everything happened, in such a God-planned way. I wasn't the only one who wished it could've lasted longer than 3 days.. :)
Blogging always was to me some kind of a place where I could come to write everything that people would never read.. But that changed and now I have 1,000 things locked up inside. I don't even know how to make sense of everything.. and maybe I shouldn't. Making sense of everything is a hardship I'm not willing to take up on myself anymore. 
ha ha

Tuesday, June 21, 2011


I totally realize that I'm supposed to be posting more often here. But when theres so much going on in life, poor blogger seems to be forgotten.
 "So much going on in life" is a ridiculous phrase. Inside of me I do a silent gag whenever someone says that about their life. Actually I've given up silent gagging, there's just been too much of it from everything people blab about with this unnecessary haughtiness.
 I have a wish somewhere deep down in my soul to meet someone like-minded. And a fear deep down that it will never happen. And a calmness about it all. About everything. Peaceful soul, mind... everything is going as it should. Even the hell-on-earth type of moments this week. Fiascos. Maybe you get this peaceful when you're left washed out and weary from all your previous reactions and emotions. And now you're just.. I don't know.. Thinking about heaven and bitter-sweetly wishing to master the violin each time I listen to morning star.

Monday, June 13, 2011

If I were the people around me; I'd never ever take to criticize, or say how bad something is done. organized, made until I have been through it and did the same thing too.
It's so easy to be all "OMG that prayer thing they did was so empty/ fruitless/ unprofessional/ insert all of those things you know you say."
That's the easiest thing to be, just a say-er.
Take up the huge responsibility of organizing or leading an event, after it your mouth will stay sealed with the sweet seal of humbleness. And this I speak from my own experience.

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Right now I'm standing in the midst of the inconsistency of this world. Some say it's exciting.
Cleaning out all the 13 top shelves of our kitchen, big billowy white trash bag in one hand, hundreds of things that've been stored up in those shelves in the other hand. My life is on the go, and I don't know, when something will change and all of a sudden I'm packing suitcases.
Maybe my mom just likes to frighten me with those kinds of thoughts "Don't get too comfortable here" etc.  so that I'd be somewhat prepared...
Lately it seems to me like nothing is constant.
Consistent is defined by the state of Florida or in other words unchanging over a long period of time.
Kind of gah and bleh and ugh all at the same time just to be reminded of the feelings I had there from all the consistency.
But from a better aspect, Consistent means faithful. And I don't know what could be better than faithfulness.. in a people.
Basically I'm off track, and my mind is as always lost in thoughts. It's just become somewhat of a norm for my mind to not quite be able to figure things out.
But damn, in the world of inconsistencies, let us be consistent. shall we?

Monday, June 6, 2011

After a long day, finally home, watching The Voice, and trying to figure out if I like this new shirt! 

Sunday, June 5, 2011

Ukraine has really, really bad water.
We put up a filter in the kitchen for the cooking, but the bathroom doesn't get a filter.
My skin is really, really sensitive, thus I've been having big time problems because of this evil water, especially the sensitive areas like my neck and face.
 Irritated skin like never before and different pricy lotions and potions don't do their over-estimated magic. The amount of foundation and concealers I use is hazardous, seriously.
I've just been so down about it. A lot of people living here are used to it I guess, their skin has harshened and adjusted, their teeth yellowed, their hair thinned, the subject of water is officially irrelevant to them.
I have this incurable love for long baths, soakings, different salts and bubbles and creams. It seems like I can't just give that up, even if the after-bath state of skin is something that makes me not want to wake up in the mornings.
I feel like I'm in Africa? All of a sudden I'm interested in the development of water in Ukraine, where can they possibly dig up such a hazard well of water for living human beings?!
Blogs are for venting and ranting. and I'm done.

Monday, May 30, 2011

Shula's famous bunny pose:) It's so cute!
She loves me so much:)

Saturday, May 28, 2011

God means what he says. What he says goes. His powerful Word is sharp as a surgeon's scalpel, cutting through everything, whether doubt or defense, laying us open to listen and obey. Nothing and no one is impervious to God's Word. We can't get away from it—no matter what. 
Now that we know what we have—Jesus, this great High Priest with ready access to God—let's not let it slip through our fingers. We don't have a priest who is out of touch with our reality. He's been through weakness and testing, experienced it all—all but the sin. So let's walk right up to him and get what he is so ready to give. Take the mercy, accept the help.
                                                                                                                        Hebrews 4:12-16 

Friday, May 27, 2011

Smart gentlemen. these two; sure know how to attract a lady's attention!!!
 I couldn't stop starting (mostly trying to figure out what they were reading), so I took a picture.
Yep a paparazzi picture; how humiliating you might say.
The truth is, I was that intrigued in witnessing a good looking guy reading a book! About 89% of the guys I know, claim that they don't enjoy reading and hardly ever read, unless they have to. Well that is just plain wrong. Kind of proves why I avoid all 89% of them.
There's just something there about a young man and a good book together that is so irresistible. That's why I like big cities, whilst walking along the Hrishatik main Kyiv square theres lots of interesting things that will catch your eye....Like a girl almost breaking her foot on mega-huge-shaky-sky-scraper heels, or awesome street musicians, or a perfect cup of latte on the street corner:)

Thursday, May 26, 2011

I know I posted this a while back on my twitter (BTW follow me if you haven't already! I always follow back:) But I just want to say again how much I like this new Shawn McDonald song. There is something banal about it, but I can easily overlook it for the lyrics, which are so realistic. He's singing my thoughts. One of my best played songs on the guitar is his Gravity song.
But when you learn a song you start noticing the lyrics more than ever before. Because to sing it good, you have to feel it too. Therefor I came to the conclusion that his songs are a tad bit too depressing for everyday listening, playing, singing.
Still sometimes it's good to cry and at those moments these songs are a nice crutch to lean on.
Actually at those times, Jesus is the stretcher which you need to be carried on..

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Really mad that I cant change my 'about me' on Face of Kyiv! I wanted to add this huge amazing text about Jesus and my faith.
 If I shall be in this competition, which is all in vain and totally pointless anyway, than I might as well shine, like it says in Philippians 2:15-17
Children of God without fault in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world, holding fast the word of life, so that I may rejoice in the day of Christ that I have not run in vain or labored in vain
I wish I could've shone any light so that this whole thing I got myself into (out of vain jealousy) would be with at least some point and not a waste of time. Although thank you so much for voting anyway! I feel loved!
Face of Kyiv. A silly little competition I entered in just to spice up a relationship with my new acquaintance who is also in the competition. I'm really competitive and deciding to be a bit annoying I want to show her that. Mostly because she's so smart when it comes to music, and I'm the spontaneous no-books-no-teachers music smart, which is not that smart I guess. So I was extremely jealous of her musical grammatical snottiness.
But no matter how bad I get, I'd always love to have a friend like me. I'd give her the "prize" for all I care.
Did I mention that the silly competition is only for 18 and up? Ops. Once again, here comes my age.
And once again I'm #1 most voted up there.
Of course.
Just for the love of my blog and I you can still vote me up, let the Christ believers, Jesus lovers win!

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Monday, May 23, 2011






Majorly, Majorly, majorly updating my ECD website.
Not really that MAJORLY it's just that currently I like starting my sentences with a threesome intro.
Three is the number of perfection? or something like that.
By the way, if you see this ECD title floating round my posts; don't fear; it only stands for my English Club Dream (totally not loving that title for something that I'm in charge of, I mean dream? come on it's like toys r us logo for toddler swimsuits! Oh and here I go critiquing my own work..It's actually fun!) Anyway, if you click on ECD you will jump straight to the club's website.
Which will show you that I don't mean MAJOR when I write it three times.
Nothing's big happened on the website. Not yet.
BUT I think tomorrow is the day of some big news on the website including a brand new video of ECD's second course! It will be uploaded on Vimeo and posted on FB as well; so you will most defiantly not miss it.
And to make this post even more tacky; I'd like to say a nice big thank you to my good sister Esther who took the pains of accepting my ECD video through skype and helping me edit out any weird parts (Like guys who wear ill fitting jeans). And to my dad Benjamin who helped me with filming and correcting my russian spelling.
Now is the time for my tackiest-post-EVER award! WOOT! I love you guys! Something more serious and Biblical coming soon on here, I promise!

Sunday, May 22, 2011

If I was about to start telling you the events that happened these past 3 days; you either wouldn't finish reading such a long post, or you'd hurt yourself laughing so hard. You know those kinds of days that feel like months. And things that you get yourself into that you can imagine telling your grandkids someday. Ok now I feel like I have put into words exactly what I went through these Friday-Sunday days.
I feel like such an expert in Kyiv city life though. I got a job at a boutique! That is until they found out my age. Ughhhh.. such a bummer, I had actually already made such good friends with the staff. Everyone trusted me as their new young and pretty worker. I'd never received so much smiles and appreciation here in Kyiv as I did at my new lovely 1 day job. Totally humbled and humiliated now as I sit facing my ECD tasks and doing little details in my parents' ministry.
I do have too much on my hands to fit in a job in my life currently. I wanted something newish and crazy to try for month or two and it almost happened just like I imagined it would. And than once again I was reminded that throughout my whole life my age has hurt me in every possible way. And here I am ranting about it, like of course, a person my age would do. I'm trying so hard to enjoy my young years. But it feels so rushed and pressured. I don't feel like I ever was young. I'm just a young person who never had youngish fun full of mishap and giggles and everything else that I have no idea what people my age do for fun. I'm going thrifting now. It's my idea of fun when something I hoped for failed. And swimming is very nice too.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Dead, dead dream. Well maybe not dead but most defiantly suffering.
Yes, my life dream is majorly suffering. mainly because forgetting it and thinking its a huge mistake didn't work out.
Didn't work out because my mom has arrived home and each day brings it up.
 It's so much easier to float along the flow of life without thinking.

On the bright side, Tomorrow night will be an evangelization event with our church and Youth with a Mission (YWAM). It will be an outside movie night (Fireproof) (Don't act like that movie didnt make you cry) for the region of the Left Bank.
I think it will be really something, and I'm excited so very much!
Just have to put that dying dream to the back of my mind for a little while.
Somehow.
 It's great when there's too much going on in life, that way you don't really have time for your feelings. Which is good for melancholy people like me. In my mind everything seems to be suffering.
Such cool streets!!!! ahjsdgshdg!!!! This house is from the 18th century!





Kyiv!





Mother's Day

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Starting to feel mind-sick about seriousness. Simplicity... That's more like it. Note to self of course. This whole blog is a giant note to self. I wouldn't want to be friends with the person I used to be a year ago. Everyone says that, I know.
God is so perfect; thus He's never changing. We're so imperfect; thus in need of constant change.

Monday, May 16, 2011

We deal with about 5 variations of what to do/say/go in an average of 3 hours. Starting from everyday things such as where to eat lunch. And than the more complicated ones, when it comes to relationships, morals.
6 billion humans on earth with all their changing choices so often. But that's not much amazingness when compared with the fact that God knows all of those variations, choices, and even THOUGHTS! Unthinkable. We here try to think through everything. So often we're confused. God knowing everyones THOUGHTS! never gets confused.... That just makes me fall in love with Him so much more. 

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Photoboothing

Snohshibatelnaya Shula...Where does she learn all that anyway!? hehe.
Befriending photography and my natural hair.
Train trip back to Kiev with my cousin Igor. He's huge help with the luggage.
Messy Chernovograd times. 
Thinking of throwing a masquerade ball someday....
Bangs last me one day. Than I regret them and buy hair growth oil!

Setting up for ECD!
She totally does this face thing so much better than me. 
Oh no
Here comes that sun again
That means another day
Without you my friend
And it hurts me
To look into the mirror at myself
And it hurts even more
To have to be with somebody else
And it's so hard to do
And so easy to say
But sometimes
Sometimes you just have to walk away
Walk away
With so many people
To love in my life
Why do I worry
About one
But you put the happy
In my ness
You put the good times
Into my fun
And it's so hard to do
And so easy to say
But sometimes
Sometimes you just have to walk away
Walk away
And head for the door


I think? ECD went perfect in every way it could. I loved how it was the most unique thing that I have ever accomplished.
The last meeting went 2 hours over. No one wanted to leave!
The class grew into a family. Personally I have the most fun (and pressure haha!) on the days of class.
I really wanted to go off the mainstream and the typical format of english discussion talking clubs. I thought if I was going to step up and organize and do something serious; than I might as well make it perfect; just the way I want it to be. I loved it. The people loved it. I have new students calling in reserving their spot for the Fall course #3. I made a limit of 13 people per class.
Just really happy that I jumped into life and did something like this. You won't really live a good life until you take nice big risks every now and then. Most of my risks were big flops, but than again, some such as ECD was the no-flop risk..:)

Friday, May 13, 2011

want, want, want, wants

My choices of what I think is footwear perfection:)
Lanvin. Love Lanvin's shoes. 

Gucci. Which is ironic because I never really liked Gucci, until I saw these, and their stunning spring/summer collection. And it's not the logo or anything, its just that this pair is silicon and looks so comfortable and the color is amazing. I'm really into silicone footwear lately.
Lanvin once again! I can't get over how comfortable and perfect all their shoes look.









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